Funny Country and Western Song Titles

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Actual Country-Western Song Titles

At least 180 real song titles, in alphabetical order.
Courtesy of the Downstream Pictures web site.

80 Proof Bottle Of Tear Stopper

All I Want From You

All My Exes Live In Texas

Am I Double Parked By The Curbstone Of Your Heart?

At The Gas Station Of Love, I Got The Self Service Pump

Bubba Shot The Jukebox

Cow Cow Boogie

Did I Shave My Legs For This? (By Deana Carter)

Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You

Don't Come Home A-Drinkin' With Lovin' On Yo-Mind (By Tammy Wynette)

Don't Squeeze My Sharmon

Don't Strike A Match To The Book Of Love

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Get The Hammer Mama, There's A Head On Papa's Fly (Now That's The Best One Yet)

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

Go Back To Texas And Cheesey French Fry Lake

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

Her Only Bad Habit Is Me

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

Hold On To Your Men, 'Cause She's Single Again

How Can I Get Over You If You Won't Get Out From Under Me?

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral

I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Don't Do Floors

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.

I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade

I Gave Her The Ring, And She Gave Me The Finger

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You

I Got The Hungries For Your Love, And I'm Waitin' In Your Welfare Line

I Got Through Everything But The Door

I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming

I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine.

I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal.

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up

I Sat Down On A Bear Trap (Just This Morning)

I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin Better

I Wanna Whip Your Cow

I Want A Beer As Cold As My Ex-Wife's Heart

I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me

I Was Looking Back To See If You Were Looking Back To See If I Was Looking Back To See If You Were Looking Back At Me

I Went Back To My Fourth Wife For The Third Time And Gave Her A Second Chance To Make A First Class Fool Out Of Me (By Rev. Billy C. Wirtz)

I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)

I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I Would Kiss You Through The Screen Door But It'd Strain Our Love

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'd Like To Check You For Ticks

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here.

I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Thru You

I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

I'd Like You A Whole Lot Better If We Slept Together

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing

I'd Rather Pass A Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You

If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had A Nose Full Of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To I'd Be Out By Now.

If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me

If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

If My Nose Were Full Of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen The Train

If The Jukebox Took Teardrops

If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me

If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure

If You Can't Feel It, It Ain't There

If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It

If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave

If You See Me Gettin' Smaller, It's Cause I'm Leavin' You

I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'll Tennessee You In My Dreams

I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home

I'm Gonna Put A Aar In The Back Of My Car And Drive Myself To Drink (From The Album "Fear Of Fryin'" By "Eggs Over Easy")

I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail

I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey

I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

I'm Under The Table Over You

It Ain't Love, But It Ain't Bad

It Ain't Easy Being Easy

It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)

It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long

It's Not The High Cost Of Living, It's The Cost Of Living High

I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral

I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night

I've Got The Cob, If You've Got The Corn

Jim, I Wore A Tie Today

Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket

Make Me Late For Work Today

Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Baby's Head)

Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?

My Every Day Silver Is Plastic

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

My Phone Ain't Been Ringing, So I Guess It Wasn't You

My Red Neck, My White Socks, And My Blue Ribbon Beer

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Nashville Rash

Occasional Wife

Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You

Our Love Is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain't The Same

Overlonely And Underkissed

Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill

Phantom Of The Opry

Pick Me Up On Your Way Down

Please Bypass This Heart.

Poultry Promenade

Queen Of My Doublewide Trailer

Redneck Martians Stole My Baby

Refried Dreams

She Feels Like A New Man Tonight

She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas

She's Actin' Single... I'm Drinkin' Doubles

She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty

She's Got The Rhythm (And I Got The Blues)

Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You

The Bridge Washed Out And I Can't Swim And My Baby's On The Other Side

The Last Word In 'Lonesome' Is 'Me'

The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)

The Pint Of No Return

There Ain't Enough Room In My Fruit Of The Looms To Hold All My Lovin' For You

There's A Tear In My Beer

They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out

Tight Fittin' Jeans

Touch Me With More Than Your Hands

Trainwreck Of Emotion

Up Against The Wall, Redneck Mother (By Jerry Jeff Walker)

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

Waitin' In Your Welfare Line

What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made A Loser Out Of Me

When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In

Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?

Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?

Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?

Why Did You Leave The One You Left Me For?

Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw? (By Jimmy Buffett On "All The Great Hits")

Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?

Yard Sale

You Can Lock Me Up In Jail & Throw Away The Key, But You Can't Keep My Face From Breaking Out (By Randy Scruggs)

You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too

You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd

You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

You Stuck My Heart In An Old Tin Can And Shot It Off A Log

You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life

You're A Cross I Can't Bear

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns

You're A Hangnail On My Heart And I'm Gonna Cut You Off

You're A Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch

You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation

You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

You've Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face? (By The Louvin Brothers)

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Source: http://allowe.com/laughs/book/Actual%20Song%20Titles.htm

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